If you want to have a good relationship with your partner you must look at different points and strengthen those which are the weakest.
It is clear that a couple with "deeply rooted" problems should see a specialist, in order to work towards solving the problem the professional must have an impact on what is to be done, but…. Why wait for the relationship to deteriorate?
I propose a few data that can help to avoid this situation. Curiously an article called "Why Marriges Fail" form Network magazine, which specializes in family issues, presents some startling results.
After taking different variables that may be affecting your relationship with your partner into account, they concluded that the couples who were happiest in their relationships were those that maintained an average from 5 to 1, of happy and pleasant times to difficult and negative moments. This means that for every 5 moments of feeling good we can only have one of discomfort for them to be offset in the relationship.
According to the most orthodox thinking, for the relationship as a couple to work there has to be a high degree of compatibility between the two persons: they must agree on important issues: sex, money, religion and education of the children. The traditional concept that compatibility is what determines whether the couple stays together is erroneous, it is the way in which the couple manages their incompatibility and in general the emotional quality of their affective exchanges that will determine positive or negative experiences in their relationship.
Contrary to what you might think, in couples that are happy, it is not true that men are less emotionally expressive than women.
No person would expect returns on an investment that they had not made, correct?" Why is it then that if our relationship is such an important element in our life, we manage it without investing in it? Why do we expect to reap "dividends" if no initial investment has been made? All of this opens up different lines of thinking that we will not discuss here for practical reasons.
In a healthy couple, we find the following elements:
1.- High level of independence between the two partners, the capability to be alone and be self-sufficient. Two well differentiated partners. More than one being "the better half", each one being whole. This means two people with well established and developed desires.
2.- It is very important that are mutually supportive, that the partner supports personal growth in the other member of the couple. Many times, consciously or unconsciously we restrict the personal growth of the individual, sometimes because of fear, insecurities, etc. A good exercise would be: Am I helping you to achieve your personal and professional goals? How do I motivate you? Do I lend my enthusiasm to their projects even though they are not own?
3.- Sensual Capacity. Everyone has their own capacity of sensuality, developed in their childhood through their first bonds. But at the same time this capability comes into play with the capacity or the difficulty of the other in this area. What is important is that there is a meeting point between the two sensualities, which does not necessarily imply sexuality, another point is dedicated to this. For example, going to an exhibition could stimulate the sensuality of both. Practicing a sport together, like skiing, sliding on the snow would fall into this activity, cooking together. It is linked to the awakening of eroticism, experiencing the sensoriality in the body.
4.- Sexual ability. There is a search for sexual arousal that has as its purpose an "orgasmic discharge". Although each couple finds "their forms" there is a tendency today to unlink sexuality from the relationship which often leads to unsatisfactory relationships. This is not a gymnastic exercise, but precisely what allows it to be a unique experience is the ability to play and the involvement that they can have in it. Desire should be loose. Travel always facilitates the sexual encounter, because it allows for a more distracted scenario, outside the family context, which helps the couple to be able to take on other more stimulating roles rather than being limited to "maternity/paternity" or "work".
5.- Capacity for tenderness. It is one of the most human capabilities. Tenderness searches for the happiness and well-being of the other person through seemingly small details. It is a soft hug which envelops them, but this requires a certain degree of inner peace and well-being with oneself. For this reason, we suggest creating spaces and times together without any particular purpose.
6.- Ability to become intimate. The ability to know the other person, to open up in the relationship and to be able to become deeply involved in the desires, the dreams, the motivations, the problems and the everyday life of the other person. For this reason, we suggest that one interest oneself in developing the curiosity to get to know the other.
7.- Emotional honesty. Adult sincerity, the desire to communicate with the other person with frankness and emotional freedom in spite of the fact that their thoughts do not coincide. What can help to develop this capacity is assertiveness, being able to express negative feelings without hurting the other person.